We Are Scientists

Johnny Brenda's Presents

We Are Scientists

The Candescents

Thu, June 14, 2018

Doors: 8:00 pm / Show: 9:00 pm

$18.00

This event is 21 and over

All shows are 21+ Proper I.D. required for admission

We Are Scientists - (Set time: 10:00 PM)
We Are Scientists
AMERICAN MUSICAL ENTERTAINMENT GROUP ‘WE ARE SCIENTISTS’:
ASSESSMENT OF THREAT POTENTIAL TO ‘FANS’, OTHER ENTERTAINMENT
GROUPS (LIKELIHOOD OF PERSUASIVE INFLUENCE), AND STABILITY OF
CULTURAL NORMS

Summary

- Primary members Keith Austin Murray, guitar and main vocalist; and Christopher Ian Cain
(“Chris”), bass (low pitched) guitar. Live performances include at least one associate using
drums; Keith Francis Carne most frequent present-day associate since approx. 2013.
- Recent activity surrounding album “Megaplex,” release date 27 Apr. 2018. Distribution
through 100% Records (UK), Grönland Records (Europe), The Orchard (N. America), Dew
Process (Australia/NZ).
- Five previous long-playing albums dating to 2005, including gold-selling (UK) first “With Love
& Squalor,” per Wikipedia.

Detail

1. Band was formed in 2000, in Berkeley, CA. At early shows members wore matching canvas
jumpsuits — possible Marxist/Maoist messaging(?).
2. According to Source A, a family relation of one band member, prior to being signed to a
publishing deal with Sony/ATV in 2005, one or both band members routinely “whined”
about the unfairness of the music industry. Gripes included: “How is it possible that fucking
OKGO are on MTV?”, “How the fuck are The Strokes a real band?”, and “What the fuck is
supposed to be good about Interpol?” Presumption of parity with hierarchically ascendant
bands suggests communist schematicism.
3. Albums released include “With Love & Squalor” (2005), “Brain Thrust Mastery” (2008),
“Barbara” (2010), “TV en Français” (2014), “Helter Seltzer” (2016). Naming conventions
suggest Marxist tendency, xenophilic/subversive anti-patriotism, cultism, radical first-wave
feminism, Francophilia, & Beatlemania.
4. Source D, a promoter in Vienna, recounts that after a festival appearance there in 2017, the
band returned to a hotel provided by source and “shredded a Bible” found in a drawer. This
was confirmed by [NAME REDACTED] at [HOTEL NAME REDACTED].
5. New album “Megaplex” was recorded in New York City with producer Max Hart, a longtime
collaborator. MH played keyboards with the band from 2007-2009; subsequently moved to
Katy Perry’s band; subsequently to Melissa Etheridge’s. Also produced 2016’s “Helter
Seltzer.” MH’s father was a union organizer in Northern California/Sacramento area; MH
likely Trotskyite Marxist.
6. Source A says that when he was 19, Chris Cain stole her television and sold it to pay for a
“Nintendo game” which he had been disallowed by source to possess. (Subversion of
authority, criminal sociopathy, video game addiction.)
7. Source F, a producer at The Late Show with David Letterman, says that after the band’s
second of three appearances, a pair of “shitty underwear” was found in a garbage can in
their dressing room.
8. Internet-archived schedules for live events reveal visits — often extended — to over thirty
countries, only fourteen NATO. “Touring” appearances may cover a pattern of seditious
campaigning on behalf of various local insurgent interests.
9. International festivals where the band has performed include Glastonbury, Coachella,
Reading & Leeds, Rock am Ring, Benicassim, Chasm (nudist), Beaches II: No Fear, Was Ist
Himmel? (BDSM), Rounders (poker tournament based on the film), Gravid Aura
(impregnation), and V Festival.
10. Source B, a member of the band’s crew for several years, attests that members rarely if ever
drink flat water, strongly preferring carbonated. Collectivist implications of deliberate
ingestion and subsumption of large quantities of bubbles are clear. Whether expressed
inadvertently as pathology of indoctrinated ideas, or deliberately as a clandestine rebuke of
capitalist anti-agency (per Marx), is less clear.

Conclusion

We Are Scientists’ anonymity from this agency has been overlong, and to potentially
significant harm. Recommend concerted campaign to seed local and national media with
adulatory praise of their every musical activity in order to reduce countercultural credibility
& political influence. ————————END/

CONFIDENTIAL / SENSITIVE SOURCE
The Candescents - (Set time: 9:00 PM)
The Candescents
We're a rock n roll band, man.
Venue Information:
Johnny Brenda's
1201 N. Frankford Ave
Philadelphia, PA, 19125
http://www.johnnybrendas.com/